times are changed and so am i

so with it must come a new xanga for me:

only if you truly want to will you subscribe:

www.xanga.com/loveuntilithurtsthem

two sundays from now my family will get to go to church with me.... yahoooo

i will post for real soon

Escape the Escape

Longing for something true, something real

I’ve swam the seven seas of trial and error

Attempting to satisfy the cravings of flesh

That hungry desire that burns holes in my rest

This escape they claim will take me away

And fly me to places unseen or unventured

Yet in the escape I’ve been raped of reality

Straight jacketed muffled and a rock tied to my feet

I’m thrown in head first in the abyss of defeat

I’m a magician I am, if I can Escape the Escape

sometimes it's so hard to love unconditionally. i don't see how God does it- except for that is who he is, i just don't see how he manages to love us and die for us when we shove him away. All my friends and close ones are leaving, or on mission trips, or just don't talk to me for some odd apparent reason i don't know about, or they just don't want to get hurt so they push me away. And i'm sick of it!!! Sick of them pushing me away when i just try to love....(Lord what are you trying to show me?) try to love them unconditionally and wrap myself in how much i love them in these last few days i have with them. the friends i love more than anyone in the entire world....it makes me kick and scream and just want to do the same thing- push them away back. to close off and walk away.... but i know that would do me no good. this has to be one of the most real entries i've had. here in my tears i write to someone out there listening, reading....i cannot sink to the level of the very thing i despise.... them pushing me away, as much as it hurts i can't do it myself. pushing people away, closing off is our defense mechanism against the pain of losing loved ones, against being loved.....unconditionally....

i just don't see how god does it- but I'm glad he does

unconditional

UNCONDITIONAL:::::::::::::adj 1: not conditional; "unconditional surrender" 2: not modified or restricted by reservations; "a categorical denial"; "a flat refusal"  3: not contingent; not determined or influenced by someone or something else.

No matter what some people do to me, I will still love them unconditionally. I think the reason I know how is by the Lord teaching me to love my enemies. Even when they push me down and hurt me, on purpose or not, I have compassion and love for them beyond what they know.

^"16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

¹⁷If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?

¹⁸Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

¹⁹This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence

²⁰whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

1 john 3:16-20

Worth It- by Rita Springer

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this